holy hell, batman

The events that have taken place in my life in the past 6 weeks are purely unblogable.  Are you familiar with Murphy's Law? Let's just say that mother freakin' law has been all up in my junk just doing it's thing, hanging out, waiting for me to fall apart.  I admit a few times I've pitch a fit, tipped it on back, watched the Notebook and cried.  But, I'm still kickin'.  For the sake that I haven't posted in a hot minute, I wanted to try to at least get in a few this week by starting off with Sunday Social.

that's what she said

1. What are 3 items you can't live without on a daily basis (water, food, shelter, and clothes don't count)

Coffee, Chapstick, and of course my iPhone. Shocker.   

2. What is your all time favorite book? Why?

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  If you saw the movie and haven't read the book, then you're missing out on life.  If you read the book before the movie ever even surfaced, I like you.  An excerpt from this book is self explanatory as to why it is my favorite book.  It is life changing.  

via

"I am alone, I am all alone, I am completely alone.

Grasping this reality, I let go of my bag, drop to my knees and press my forehead against the floor. There, I offer up to the universe a fervent prayer of thanks.

First in English.

Then in Italian.

And thenójust to get the point acrossóin Sanskrit.

And since I am already down there in supplication on the floor, let me hold that position as I reach back in time three years earlier to the moment when this entire story beganóa moment which also found me in this exact same posture: on my knees, on a floor, praying." 

3. What is something you'd like to accomplish before the end of 2013?

I would't hate giving into the Lizard and toning my jiggly thunder thighs and tightening #datazz.  But more than anything, I can't wait to complete my first full year of nursing school.  Which means, after 2013 I have ONE year left. Finally, I will be done with school for a little while! 

4. If you could go back and relive any year of your life which year would it be?
2004 so I could spend and cherish every last moment with my Grammy while she was still alive.  I'd also relive 2008, my senior year of high school.  Not only because it was obviously the best time of my life, but because I would have changed a few decisions that could possibly alter the way things are now.  

5. What do you wish people knew about you without you having to tell them?

I'm incredibly sarcastic and I live to laugh. I mean no harm, so stop crying and stop runnin' ya mouf! 

Coffee Dates with my PA

I'm late to the party, but better late and drunk than never anyways, right? And it's also okay to only post today for the sole purpose of backing that azz up, right? I thought so! Man, I'm 2 for 2 today.  I will also include pictures of the current scenic view that is just within miles of where I've been laying my head down at night these days.  You're welcome.

Indescribable, right?  That makes me 3 for 3. I just want to leave you with some food for thought before we start to #backthatazzup.  I'm a worrying mess these days, duh.  I probably always will be, too. But let's get one thing down.  I went for my 3 month check up this morning and my PA and I have more of a coffee chit chat meeting than an actual follow up.  My PA and I are from the same ole small area back in North Carolina, so it's no surprise we instantly bonded.  We share the same interests in extracurricular actives and obviously, have a love for the practice of medicine.  

Today during our coffee catch up date, she broke the news that she was leaving this practice.  My heart broke, she's been my PCM for all of the 3 years I've been in Savannah.  I'll probably never have another provider that I connect with like that.  But anyways, we talk about my journey with school a lot, and she today told me one thing I will never, ever forget..."You may take a few unintended detours along the way, but you will ultimately end up where you are needed and are meant to be."  If there's one thing she wanted me to remember about this last talk, it was that no matter what, believe in myself as she does me, and above all...finish school, be the best damn DNP I can be, and take care of myself before anyone else.  

Isn't it ironic how God selects the most random people in your life to speak through?  And isn't it crazy how I hear my Grammy, too?  You know your parents believe in you, your friends, loved ones, whatever.  But to hear it from someone who is really just your PCM, who could probably give two hoots about your personal life, that's inspiration.  I'm so thankful to have had the best PA in Savannah to provide me with such encouraging words the past few years.  

So, time to get to it.  I was gonna add a different song to correlate more with those beautiful pictures.  But, it seems more appropriate to just use the song my PA coffee date of mine brought up today.  Basically, us Carolina girls can get hood when the time comes.  We ain't just country.  I suppose I'll keep it clean though :) 

Follow your arrow

I don't always like to put my personal business out there, but sometimes you can't just help but want to vent.  Especially when you run a lifestyle-ish blog.  I'm pretty good at suppressing my feelings these days.  When I was younger, if something was wrong the entire world knew it.  Not because I was out for attention, but because I just didn't know how to act.  I didn't know how to accept life with the ups and downs, I didn't understand  God's reasons when I didn't see them, I didn't know how to be a big girl and deal with anything.  

As a child, I experienced my parents getting a divorce, my sweet Grammy dying too early in her life, and of course my first heart break in high school. In the past couple of years, Robert and I have survived 2 deployments. I moved to an entire new state by myself while he was deployed the first time and I didn't have any family or best friends within 4 hours of me.  I've started a new big girl job, I worked and studied full time to get into the nursing program, and now I'm in the most important program that will get me to the first step of my career.  

I'm not ashamed to admit this, because it's human;

 I care what people think about me.  JUST BECAUSE. 

I've contemplated back and forth on whether or not I should continue after this degree and get my Doctorate.  I've contemplated on whether or not I want to move to a big city or go back home to my roots in the country.  I can't decide on what to wear sometimes because it can look a little too flashy, or maybe a little too grungy.  I can't decide if I want to let my hair go natural on a Monday, or lose a little sleep to straighten it. I watch my tongue around some people, because God forbid my white trashy side come out at the wrong time. I mean the list can go on and on when it comes to the things I think about and actually consider in my head.  

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I think there comes a point in your life when you just get tough skin.  When you stop letting the small stuff affect your mood and you basically just suck it all up.  You learn to stop caring what people think and you learn to do what the hell you want. I've come to realize that there's not always tomorrow, and the problems you have today aren't going to matter to you in 10 years. At the end of the day, all you have is you.  You're all that matters.

So do what you want to do.  Be who you want to be. 

This song by Kacey Musgraves,  man this song

You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.  

So you might as well just do whatever you want. 

 Every time I hear it, I think of my Grammy.  There's not a day that goes by that I wish I couldn't pick up the phone and hear her voice.  She was a woman of God without a doubt, but when I hear this song I just hear her.  She died when I was 14, so it kills me she isn't around for the hard stuff. Ya know, the "real world" stuff.  I'm thankful for the 14 years she blessed me with her presence.

Today would have been her 71st birthday. 

And today, from this moment on, I'm going to start living the life I know she would be proud of.  I'm done with the bull crap.  I'm done with the people who bring pure negativity into my life.  I'm done with the people who bring me down more than bring me up.  I'm living my life for me. Because if my Grammy had one last birthday wish to make, I know it would be for my happiness.

I know she would wish for me to be content and follow my arrow. 

Happy Birthday, my sweet angel.
I love you more than all of the stars in the sky.

If I could have saved you,
you would have lived forever.

Nurses are Angels in disguise

Last night we had our White Coat Ceremony for the December class of 2014. It's seen as an induction ceremony into your professional classes. This ceremony replaces the "white cap" ceremony that everyone is very familiar with in Nursing school.  They no longer use the cap anymore due to the rise in male students. Another interesting fact, they no longer use caps anymore because it was a reservoir for germs! Say what?

I was very excited about our ceremony.  My parents or sister were not able to make it due to the distance between us :( but my husband was up there rooting for me. 

I'm not going to lie, I got a little emotional when we said our pledge.  I've always wanted to be a nurse.  My Aunt was the first influence in my life, she is also a nurse. I've always looked up to her and she bought me my first stethoscope when she found out I got into the program! When my nephew was born, he was in the NICU and I couldn't see him but I knew there were nurses in there caring for him and giving him all the love a newborn needs.  A few months after my nephew was born, my Grammy died from cancer.  We spent the last few weeks with her in the hospital, and again it just swelled my heart. 3 years later, I visited my other Grandmother for a surgery and saw how diligent and caring the nurses were, along with my Aunt.  There's just a feeling you get when you see these things, I knew I was meant to be a nurse.  

I think one of the reasons I got so emotional was because my Grammy wasn't there.  Like all Grandmother's, this lady was my world.  My sister and I were very fortunate to form such a strong relationship with our Grammy considering she lived in Louisiana and we were military, living anywhere.  We got to spend every summer with her and most Christmases.  My mother was an only child, and she only had my sister and me. We were my Grammy's three girls, and any chance she got, she always called the three of us her little angels.  "You'll always be my little angel"

I saw a coffee cup at Hallmark a few years ago (I wish I would have bought it) that said "Nurse are Angels in disguise" and if there was every any chance I doubted what I should do with my life, God (and I believe my Grammy, too) reassured me right then and there! 

I look forward to the next 3.75 semesters of my life and praise God for this opportunity, and thankful for all those who've influenced me along the way.  

“In the full knowledge of the task I am undertaking, I promise to take care of the sick with all the skill and understanding I possess, without regard to race, creed, color, politics, or social status, sparing no effort to conserve life, to alleviate suffering, and promote health..."