I may or may not be back to blogging.

Some of my friends have described me as being shy when I first meet someone.  I don't talk to you just because you're sitting next to me, but if you approach me first I'm basically an open book.  With that being said, I typically don't talk about my faith voluntarily.  However, if someone asks me... I tell them about my God.  Last night, I saw this quote whilst  studying   procrastinating   on Pinterest and couldn't help but make my own image and share with you what it means to me. 

This hits so hard, not only as a Christian, but also as a future nurse.  As a student, you're normally blinded when you enter the clinical setting for the first time.  What you have studied and forced yourself to do step by step isn't what you actually see be done by every nurse, every time. Here in my happy, little invincible bubble, I get a little heart broken when I see not so happy things happen. I haven't lived a sheltered life at ALL. Trust me. I wasn't the teenager you wanted your kids to be around, remember ? Since, I've "grown up" I've tried to find the good in everyone and  believe that everyones tries to lives by the golden rule.  Well, my bubble was finally busted after a year of nursing school. 

I've witnessed a few things that I don't want to be necessarily associated with in the clinical setting already. As nurses, it's not our place to judge. It's our place to care for, comfort, and teach that patient. Just as it is our place as Christians to care for one another, comfort, and spread the good word. I'm not perfect by any means. Your strength is probably my struggle. It's easy to want to focus on and point out other's mistakes when we're struggling ourselves. Even if you appear to have a picture perfect life, everyone has a struggle... regardless if it's noticeable or not. It's important to remember we're people from all walks of life, and we haven't all been dealt the same hand or blessed with the same opportunities. 

We shouldn't care why or how a patient could do something destructive to themselves, just as we shouldn't judge someone for their preferences or decisions they may make. But, we can pray that they know what forgiveness is, that God will influence their mind and hearts, and that your compassion will speak volumes.  We can find out why our "frequent flyer" patient is not complying with their medication regimen with the intent to help.  We can teach them prevention, offer advice on useful tips and techniques, or simply provide resources that can better be useful for that particular patient. We can't assume every patient knows the pathophysiology, clinical manifestations, or complications that can occur with their disease.  Just because we have a medical education doesn't mean they do too.  Just as we can't assume every person knows right from wrong, or believes that there is a heaven or hell.  But we can share our testimonies, answer their questions or find someone who can, and just offer ourselves.

As important as we think we are, when it is all said and done, our opinions don't matter. But God's does. We're lucky that he loves us enough to give us a choice. Only God can decide who makes it into his kingdom, our only service is to witness to and love them as Jesus loves us. 

The struggles I've been faced with lately could knock me down and easily turn out for the worst.  But as each day goes by, I'm learning better ways to deal with them.  I think this was one of them.  I guess you can say I'm back to blogging now. 

P.S. thank you Aubrey for the font freebies 

Be you.

So, I did in fact fall off the side of the earth.  And in my opinion, for perfectly good reasons.  I not only quit blogging, I quit doing a lot of things I used to do.  Every day I'm discovering more and more about myself that I never thought would be imaginable.  I'm feeling a little Carrie Bradshaw these days.

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I thought I loved this, I thought I loved that.  This once made me happy but now it just makes me want to barf. I put myself out there just to be shut down. I don't give myself enough credit half the time, I'm a lot stronger than I think apparently because I know God would never give me something I couldn't handle. I came to the realization that I've lived my entire life making someone else happy. Am I being selfish? Perhaps. But you only have one life, and I'm most certainly going to make mine count. I've got dreams, I've got flaws, and I've got a whole mess of crap to talk about. trust me when I say, this bird you can not change. 

This post is semi pointless and I'm just rambling, I know. But these days, I'm just trying to survive nursing school with my head ABOVE water on top of everything else going on.  I go to school, I go to clinicals, I study, I work, and I sleep.  That's about it.  I've become a hermit, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing.  I am pretty much bad at every life/social role there is imaginable. When things get hard, I shut down and depend on time to heal it all.  But, I'm a good student. and that's about all I've got going for me.  I may let a lot of relationships fall off the side of the earth, but I pray I never lose the ability to strive to learn. I pray I never stop wanting to push myself as far as I can go.  I want nothing more than to finish nursing school, begin my career, and go back to school for more.

I'm so thankful nursing school brought me some of the best friends that understand me to the core and push me when I need it and talk me down when I don't.  We spend just about every moment of every day together.  We break down, we piss each other off, we lift each other up. and that's when you really get to know someone. 

 Sometimes you fall off the wagon, but we do what we have to do to get each other through.
That's what life is all about, and that's when you really get to know yourself.

Today's the best day to do some random rambling post and attempt to not neglect blogging because it's 

and I may not necessarily be backing it up like most of you,
but I am listening to the song that connects me and my Daddy at the soul.



The past few months have been unimaginable, but I listen to this song and all is right in the world. I miss my family more than words, but all I have to do is look down at my wrist, see my Daddy's handwriting, and I'm reminded of who I am.

sassy, classy, white trashy, and smart assey.

It's OK Thursday still, dawg.

So, one of my favorite link ups used to be It's OK Thursday with Amber...but it ended a few months ago.  With all that's going on in my life, I feel it be necessary to tell you WHAT I'M OK WITH.  For the sake that I haven't posted in almost 2 weeks because
a) there are not enough cuss words to write about what's going on
b) it's not even worth saying
c) I've been busy as a beeeeeeeee!


So, guess what, it's almost 2am and that's ok.

It's OK...

• that I have class in 6 hours and I haven't gone to bed
• that I run away from my problems, and take trips home every chance I get
• that I still can't accept Kidd Kraddick died :(
• that I release stress at the batting cages
  
  
  
• that I spend almost less than zero time following anyone on any form of social media or blogging while I deal with my junk
• that I haven't washed my hair in a few days
• that I bought Blurred Lines on iTunes just so I can make it the ringtone for my alarm... EVERYBODY GET UP!
• that you're probably about to do the same thing... it works, you're welcome
• that I'm actually excited for a full 8 hours of class tomorrow
• that I crave structure and never let myself rest
  
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• that I miss home more than anything and I'm counting down the Christmases until I'm out of this place
• that I still have trouble communicating emotions
• that I'm going to bed with my makeup on
• that I need new episodes of Duck Dynasty in my life
• that I read bible verses and inspirational quotes from my favorite historical men on a DAILY basis 
• that I get most of my nutrition from coffee, cheerios, and fiber one bars these days
• that I wish I could be on the Today Show with KLG so she could just tell me "this is how you lose your reputation, one shot at a time" as I shoot a Jameson and chase it with wine
• that this might be the last post for awhile...

holy hell, batman

The events that have taken place in my life in the past 6 weeks are purely unblogable.  Are you familiar with Murphy's Law? Let's just say that mother freakin' law has been all up in my junk just doing it's thing, hanging out, waiting for me to fall apart.  I admit a few times I've pitch a fit, tipped it on back, watched the Notebook and cried.  But, I'm still kickin'.  For the sake that I haven't posted in a hot minute, I wanted to try to at least get in a few this week by starting off with Sunday Social.

that's what she said

1. What are 3 items you can't live without on a daily basis (water, food, shelter, and clothes don't count)

Coffee, Chapstick, and of course my iPhone. Shocker.   

2. What is your all time favorite book? Why?

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  If you saw the movie and haven't read the book, then you're missing out on life.  If you read the book before the movie ever even surfaced, I like you.  An excerpt from this book is self explanatory as to why it is my favorite book.  It is life changing.  

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"I am alone, I am all alone, I am completely alone.

Grasping this reality, I let go of my bag, drop to my knees and press my forehead against the floor. There, I offer up to the universe a fervent prayer of thanks.

First in English.

Then in Italian.

And thenójust to get the point acrossóin Sanskrit.

And since I am already down there in supplication on the floor, let me hold that position as I reach back in time three years earlier to the moment when this entire story beganóa moment which also found me in this exact same posture: on my knees, on a floor, praying." 

3. What is something you'd like to accomplish before the end of 2013?

I would't hate giving into the Lizard and toning my jiggly thunder thighs and tightening #datazz.  But more than anything, I can't wait to complete my first full year of nursing school.  Which means, after 2013 I have ONE year left. Finally, I will be done with school for a little while! 

4. If you could go back and relive any year of your life which year would it be?
2004 so I could spend and cherish every last moment with my Grammy while she was still alive.  I'd also relive 2008, my senior year of high school.  Not only because it was obviously the best time of my life, but because I would have changed a few decisions that could possibly alter the way things are now.  

5. What do you wish people knew about you without you having to tell them?

I'm incredibly sarcastic and I live to laugh. I mean no harm, so stop crying and stop runnin' ya mouf! 

Tybee Sunset

I bet you didn't know my favorite thing in the entire world is watching the sunrise/sunset on a body of water?  Alright, you probably did.  My life has been absolutely cray-cray lately.  But by the overflow of seriousness or lack of posts lately, you probably knew that, too.  It's just one thing after another! I know God is eventually going to throw me a break, I know one day I'll be able to breathe again.  all will be good in the hood for me if you will.

On any given day, I usually don't like to be alone.  I run from my problems and when I'm alone I think.  Thinking means facing your problems and I just don't do that too well.  If you haven't noticed, sarcasm is my defense mechanism.  Ya know...laughing?  Yeah, I'm pretty good at that. It's my thing. If you ain't laughing, you ain't living. And ain't nobody got time for dat.

On this particular day, I couldn't laugh though.  I had a million things going through my head, a to-do list a mile long, time was running out and no matter what I did, I couldn't breathe.  All of the time in the world wouldn't be enough for me to do what needed to be done.  I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I surely didn't want to think about or discus any options (and don't call me Shirley). I just wanted time to stand still for one second so I could breathe. I needed the beach.  I needed to stick my toes in the water, sit my butt in that hot sand, and face the simple fact that I'm alone.

I really just planned on sitting there until I could courage up enough strength to get back up and face my reality.  My intent was to miraculously learn how to turn that emotional switch of mine back on and turn off my ability to not give a crap anymore when I've had enough.  However, someone had other plans for me.  I remembered I had my camera and the sun was starting to lower.  Perfection.  I ate pizza and had a brewsky, I switched up some lenses, and I played around with sunset/twilight settings for a bit as the sun came down over the sand dunes.  I made sure I soaked up the beauty of that sunset without only looking through the lens though.

I didn't leave there with all my of life problems solved.  My to-do list was a mile longer than it was before, I discovered a cavity, and I had the dirtiest feet to accompany the sand in my eyes.  But, I could breathe again.  For two hours, I could take enough deep breaths to get me to the next day.  Tomorrow is always a new day.  For two hours, I was able to put my problems on the back burner and focus my attention on my relationship with God and my purpose in this life he gave me.  It's hard, and at times I just want to scream, to pout, and have a full on Walmart toddler tantrum.  But I know that although this may feel like the end of the world for me, it's not.  I may not be the most religious person to ever walk this earth, and I'll be the first to admit I don't always act as a Christian should...but, I know without a shadow of a doubt that there is a God that loves me and there's nothing he won't throw at me that I can't handle.  

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My mother did a remarkable job at raising a strong, independent, and level headed woman.  I may have gave her a hard time and tested every area I could manage growing up.  But my Momma taught me to fight for what I want, fight for what I believe in, fight for what is right.  and I'll be danged if I'm going let her down now.  

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I will overcome this, it's that simple.  

Coffee Dates with my PA

I'm late to the party, but better late and drunk than never anyways, right? And it's also okay to only post today for the sole purpose of backing that azz up, right? I thought so! Man, I'm 2 for 2 today.  I will also include pictures of the current scenic view that is just within miles of where I've been laying my head down at night these days.  You're welcome.

Indescribable, right?  That makes me 3 for 3. I just want to leave you with some food for thought before we start to #backthatazzup.  I'm a worrying mess these days, duh.  I probably always will be, too. But let's get one thing down.  I went for my 3 month check up this morning and my PA and I have more of a coffee chit chat meeting than an actual follow up.  My PA and I are from the same ole small area back in North Carolina, so it's no surprise we instantly bonded.  We share the same interests in extracurricular actives and obviously, have a love for the practice of medicine.  

Today during our coffee catch up date, she broke the news that she was leaving this practice.  My heart broke, she's been my PCM for all of the 3 years I've been in Savannah.  I'll probably never have another provider that I connect with like that.  But anyways, we talk about my journey with school a lot, and she today told me one thing I will never, ever forget..."You may take a few unintended detours along the way, but you will ultimately end up where you are needed and are meant to be."  If there's one thing she wanted me to remember about this last talk, it was that no matter what, believe in myself as she does me, and above all...finish school, be the best damn DNP I can be, and take care of myself before anyone else.  

Isn't it ironic how God selects the most random people in your life to speak through?  And isn't it crazy how I hear my Grammy, too?  You know your parents believe in you, your friends, loved ones, whatever.  But to hear it from someone who is really just your PCM, who could probably give two hoots about your personal life, that's inspiration.  I'm so thankful to have had the best PA in Savannah to provide me with such encouraging words the past few years.  

So, time to get to it.  I was gonna add a different song to correlate more with those beautiful pictures.  But, it seems more appropriate to just use the song my PA coffee date of mine brought up today.  Basically, us Carolina girls can get hood when the time comes.  We ain't just country.  I suppose I'll keep it clean though :) 

Medical Monday: Dear Junior 1's

I had a hard time coming up with something to talk about for Medical Monday.  I'm on summer break, with the exception of an online research class, so I'm not knee deep in thoughts about Nursing school.  After 4 years of working in a pharmacy, nothing new or exciting happens to me enough to make a post about it.  A few months back I wrote about what Nursing School has taught me so far, so I thought I would write a post for incoming Nursing students.

Dear Junior 1's,

1. Prepare to study your butt off like you never have before.  Were you one of those students who didn't really have to study in A&P or Micro? You just skimmed your notes the night before the test and still made an A? Well you won't be anymore.  Getting a C is a victory! They make it hard for a reason, there's going to be a life in your hands one day.

2. The professors don't hate you.  They don't want to see you fail.  They are there to help you.  But you bet your behind they're going to push you as far as you can be pushed, because this is the semester they weed out the weak from the strong.  I strongly believe this is the semester that will shape you into the kind of nurse you will be.  It's your foundation, don't give up.


3.  Read. Put down all your medical supplies for the first few weeks. I know you're excited, but this isn't Grey's Anatomy. Pick up your Health Assessment and ATI Skills book. Read them like your life depends on it. The fun stuff will come later.

4. Practice, Practice, Practice.  Practice how to take vitals like it's never going to go out of style, because it won't.  After your know how to take vitals like a BOSS, practice your other skills the same way! Practice on humans, practice on bananas, practice on chickens. Practice, Practice Practice! Knowing how to properly insert a foley catheter, give a IM shot, and insert an IV is essential after your first semester and the rest of your career. Don't screw it up. 

5. Love care plans. Learn how to develop a care plan properly and practice that too.  

6. Use this time to find an area of interest.  It came easy for me.  But if it doesn't, no big deal.  You've got forever to decide.

7. Make friends with everyone.  They're going to be by your side for the next two years, there's no reason to have any enemies.  You're not competing anymore. You're all going through the same thing, be supportive. You're a team now. Act like it. 

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8. Take everything seriously except that one class they throw in as a filler.  I mean no disrespect, but use your time wisely.  Time management is essential and setting priorities is a must from the get go!

9. Don't over think.  Your first test may make you feel like you're having a panic attack, it's okay.  Every one else is probably having one, too.  Your first test will help you to learn how to study.  It's not important to study small details anymore.  You have to study it all, the entire big picture.  Nursing school tests are like no other.  All answers will be right, but what answer is the most correct?  Always remember, safety first and pain never killed anyone (within reason). 

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10. Get a planner.  Self explanatory.  

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11.  Relax some, but study more.  

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12.  There's hardly ever an absolute.  But if there is, you better remember it.  For instance, a diastolic murmur always indicates heart disease, or alcohol always interacts with medications.

13. calm down, relax, and laugh a little.  This is only 2 years of your life.

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14. Frequently visit sites dedicated to nursing humor, because laughter is the best medicine. Here's my favorites.

• http://lolnursingschool.tumblr.com
• http://whatshouldwecallnursingschool.tumblr.com
• http://whatshouldwecallnursing.tumblr.com

And make a pinterest board of your journey :) Here's mine I share with my former lab partner but forever my person, Liz, who on the first day of Health Assessment lab I said "hey girl, wanna be my partner?" and we've been pretty much inseparable ever since.  

P.S. Hey, Penelope Design giveaway is still going on!